The first or last (the blerst or cast)

So everyone keeps telling me about these blog things,
I am aware of their existence (i am even known to frequent a few)
none the less i have had no inkling to participate in these before mentioned blogging activity's. it appears to be a bunch of god damn hipsters circle jerking if you ask me.

However today has been a special day.

After a long night of red wine, good dinners and long severely embarrassing discussions of my habits old and new, i have came to a conclusion.

I am officially Batshit crazy, not even normal crazy with the fun shit, but batshit crazy.
(for more info on being batshit crazy see the main charector of the graphic novel transmetropolitan (thanks dane))

At first this felt bad and almost dare i say..... shameful (no)? but with time i realized this
could be profitable. apparently people enjoy reading about the life and times of failed people with a lack of motivation, stable moods and continual line of thought.
(Instant Coffee you are my bitch!?)

But enough of this back to the crazies.

So many people (religious types mostly) think of my behavior as amusing and eradic but honestly my best moments are not caught by people or on film( yet....) so ive decided to do what apparently is the hip blogger thing to do and make a list.

HOWEVER my list will be superior as i am not only giving it the best name ever but yelling everything i am typing in my head.

So here it is then
" Andrew Richmond's super awesome self indulging sporadic and incredibly poorly thought out list of my favorite things to do when people are not around *^>"

(* note: many times people are actually around and shaking heads)
(^ double notesies: in no order what so ever)
(> : sweet i just coined the term double notesies)

1) Yelling at traffic

Few things in this world anger me( i say that to sound somehow sane, really most things anger me) more than people stupidly ignoring traffic rules. As many people I've traveled in a car with will tell you, any opportunity to yell out of a moving vehicle i have i will take, i will take it like * witty family guy Esq reference missing*.
People who for example do something as idiotic as trying to share a single lane with other cars by hugging the curb or feel that their mini truck and Dickies validate their complete lack of respect for road rules, should be punished.
My form of punishment is a small burst of often undecipherable, possibly stereotype based (though not race or gender based, I'm above that) rant or short yell burst. Things such as age, social status (thought i do view most people as scum) car modification choices and "jockosity" are all fair game. Also i am quite prone to throwing one of these before mentioned vocal forays at traffic which attempts to run me down or at Dicks who decide to yell something unoriginal at me ( eg: Sick pants faggot/emo cunt/cheer up etc)

Anyways enough dwelling on my mastery of the art of beaking (which i shall explain in a upcoming blog i promise)

TO THE NEXT POINT!!!!

2) Talking to things(mostly inanimate)

Now everyone is prone to talking to a baby or a dog every now and then, even though we understand they probably don't comprehend any word. However i am into taking this to extreme with more inanimate objects. Its my dirty little habit and also one of my first inklings that i may myself be batshit crazy. The most common occurrences of this happen in my friends kitchen(which being the homeless beggar i am frequent far too often). I am often found speaking to things such as the toaster or the kettle as they do their jobs, working away as my tireless minions. Most of these little discussions range anything from "Yes, good good, do my bidding you sassy little bastard" to " i cant believe how good you are to me, you never complain, i love you kettle.". I'm even prone to a little bit of yelling " COOK FASTER I'M ON A SCHEDULE!!!! I DON'T WANT TO LOST THE HENDERSON ACCOUNT OVER THIS!!!(i like to pretend I'm a lawyer in my off time).

(post script: i also enjoy telling instant coffee it is my bitch)

3) singing what I'm doing

As many of you know i am the best musician ever......

cough *www.myspace.com/rescue90music* cough

however what many of the countless,Thousands upon thousands.... dare i say millions of die hard Rescue 90/ Nude love death squad fanatics do not know is that my recorded music is simply just a small portion of my actual music output. Many of my personal favorite songs (b sides mostly) are written whilst I'm singing about something I'm doing. Some of the hits include "making toast", "getting really drunk", " i wish people would stop staring at me""fist yourself please"and "where are my pants" these songs usually bridge every genre, I'm even prone to a little bit of hip hop if i can get a beat (seriously free styling on the street is the funnest shit ever). This may not seem like such a insane thing to do however some days i literally make my life a musical and when you are doing that in front of customers at the unnamed corporate hardware store of your choice, it doesn't seem to go down as normal.

here is a prime example of me singing to my pants in the last seconds of the video.





4)create ideas for the worst movie plots ever

This list is going downhill for amusing/odd things, but i would like to share one of my concepts for any of those Hollywood types reading.

the tentatively titled film " my life Sock's"

Basic plot outline: A young man (not yet named, though i do like Stevenson) is living the life of a average corporate dude. He's got it all A long term girlfriend, a car, he was just promoted at his call center job to team leader (i actually made this concept whilst working at a call center).
UH OH TWOUBLLEEEEEE!!! so his girlfriend dumps him because he is too boring and his car gets stolen then burnt by a gang of wayward youths (religious types mostly) Whats a guy to do? Teach his girlfriend who is really boring and do something CRAZY. So he goes to a bar in the bad side of town and starts getting fucked up, he meets some guys, next time you know he decides to buy some drugs. Being a straight laced man of good stature he has absolutely no idea how much or what he should buy. he ends up buying a dick load of acid and taking it all. So insert bad ass Trip montage. Next thing you know he wakes up in his room completely ransacked and he is still tripping. Then he looks at his hand...... it has been covered in a sock puppet shined in a beautiful aura. from this day on the man is convinced this sock is a separate living entity sent from space.

*insert filler( actual movie) section*

end of the movie , the guys walking down a crowded new york street and the sock says " I'm sorry *main character* but i must go and flys off his hand into the sunset, However final plot twist on the guys arm is the arm band from predator in self destruct mode, 2 city blocks blow up lots of gore, I'm thinking like in that movie swordfish (that shit was bad ass, i need to watch that again) ending scene the sock flys into a predator space ship and states his mission is complete.

bad ass right?

5)Making up words

Not really a kicker of a thing but as you can tell i love inventing words to describe things.
i usually do this whilst doing one of the before mentioned things on the list. For example the word "dickbaggery" was invented whilst i was sitting in traffic angered by the lack of motion in a clearly green lighted lane. other examples will become apparent as my blog continues.....

Anyways this has been a blast however i must be off, instant coffee has apparently made me its bitch by ceasing its ability to function.

now i leave you with this thought
if only there was a way you could find all of your favourite blogger's as well as awesome musicians, graphic designers, artists and photographers in one place............wait........OF COURSE!!!!!!!!

WWW.EIGHTYSIXKILLERS.COM*

(*:denotes shameless plug, literally shameless! that shit is awesome and i have no issue reppin)